Debt I Never Knew I Had

I often joke with my family if we’re shopping, going out to eat, or sitting at home discussing online purchases by saying, “Just swipe the card and go on!”

But then I started doing some research and realized that the average household consumer debt was about $90k. The numbers released by the credit bureau Experian were quite incredible. Gen X leads the way for credit card debt ($8k), student loans ($40k), auto loans ($21k), and home loans ($238k).

Thank God I’m a millennial!

While these numbers are frightening, I hope I can keep a financially frugal approach to my earning, spending, and saving. But to be honest, I’m not even sure it’s the financial debt that scares me the most.

What is debt anyway? Most often we think of credit cards. We make purchases with a piece of plastic that represents money we don’t have. Someone else, at least for the time being, picks up the tab. We owe them because they made the investment on the purchase on our behalf.

I think it’s aptly named ‘consumer debt’ for a reason. We are, by nature, consumers. Consumers of time. Consumers of leisure. Consumers of others’ investments. And we generally want the greatest benefit at the least expense.

But have you ever considered being in debt with other areas of life? I’ve spent some time lately considering investments others have made on my behalf so that I could enjoy the benefits of their sacrifice. And I owe them tremendously!

My parents. My grandparents. Even my elementary school writing teacher. She taught me how to write in cursive. I hated it then and I hate it now. But I owe her. I couldn’t cash a check without her!

I’ve racked up more relational debt than I ever could have imagined. I’ve charged so much to my relational account I’ll never be able to pay it all back. Car rides and gifts as a kid. Favors done by others as an adult. All the “can you…” and “will you…” moments of my life have piled up a debt so high I’m drowning in relational debt.

Here’s why the relational debt is so high; for all the times I’ve asked or others have offered to make an investment, I’ve squandered twice the opportunities to do the same. But why? I think in part it’s because of my human condition. I’m selfish. Self-absorbed. Self-seeking. I long for others to do for me what I’m unwilling, in all my wicked and deceitful ways, to do for others.

But where did the relational debt derive itself from? The undeniable debt of sin! In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God.” Here’s what I think he was saying; happy are those who finally recognize their spiritual bankruptcy, their sin debt, for then and only then might they see that it’s been paid in full–the hope of heaven.

Prior to our understanding of the serious effects of our sin we just keep accumulating more and more of debt. But a wrong view of debt will lead us to make an awkward and unhelpful attempt at paying it back. The beauty of God’s investment on our sin is found in these three words–paid in full. We don’t have to work it off. Or pay it back. We must only accept the proof of his written notice of our debt forgiveness.

Once we understand that our sin debt is forgiven, it changes the way we live moving forward. We’re not trying to earn his favor. Pay him back. Nor should we feel guilty by missed opportunities to make investments in the lives of others. We will slowly begin to attack the relational debt in our lives as we rightly see our sin debt has been covered by Christ.

Here are three tips to minimize the relational debt in our lives with those around us.

Be honest. It’s important that we’re honest with ourselves. Admit we’ve got a debt problem. We’re not perfect. We don’t have it all together. We’re guilty of missing the mark, therefore, accumulating a mound of sin debt and relational debt. However, in Christ, we’ve been forgiven and we need to recognize the investment He’s made on our behalf. And because of the investment He’s made for us, we should likewise invest in the lives of others.

Be available. This is how we slowly begin to chip away at relational debt. When someone texts or calls, stop. Listen. We live busy lives and many believe the lie that their life is far different than ours. But it’s not. We all struggle. And we’ve all been bankrupt. But we must remember people aren’t problems to be solved; they’re meant to be loved and cared for. And the best way we can love and care for others can often be done by simply being present.

Be generous. Believe it or not, you’re more wealthy than you might imagine. You’ve been given a wealth of knowledge, experiences, emotions, and time. Be generous with it. You may not have a ton of possessions or money. But what you do have will be best spent on the well-being of others than hoarding it for yourself to eventually rot away. Let go of whatever it is you find yourself clinging to because you believe it will better serve your interests. When gratitude fills your heart it will overflow into a life of generosity.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always doing a great job at finding relational debt relief. I still fight the urge to go deeper in debt by expecting others to pick up my relational tab and serve my interests. But I’m slowly trying to implement these debt relief strategies of being more of an investor and less of a consumer. When we do it right we’ll be the beneficiary of a heavenly hope instead of an earthly treasure that will eventually fade away.